the question

Ever since we said our "I do's" back in July, a lot of friends and coworkers ask me this question. It seems like a normal question, but I find myself feeling kind of uncomfortable when I hear it uttered, either when I'm the asker or when I'm the ask-ee. Usually I'm happy or even too loose with my personal revelations in converstaion, but for some reason it just got to me. It's less awkward when coming from a married person, since they presumably already know how life is on the other side, or at least their version of it. It feels more awkward coming from my single friends--perhaps too open-ended?

"How's married life?"
"What's it like, being married?"
Or any variants of the question.

Now, I certainly don't begrudge anyone for asking; I know I've asked the same question to my newlywed friends on several suddenly uncomfortable conversations. It's a blend of natural curiosity and genuine how-ya-doin' that zooms right past the brain-mouth filter before you can turn it on. Adding to that is my penchant for canned, non-thinking, more-or-less inattentive responses that make people recoil until I realize what I've just said: "How's married life?" "Oh, it's okay." "Just okay?" "Wait, what?"

None of this is to say, however, that I don't have any thoughts or that I haven't learned anything sinced getting hitched:

-Unless you were just richly blessed with a good sense of design, your house/apartment really lights up and looks loads better when a woman moves in with you. I went from bare walls (and okay with it) to having an actually nicely decorated and furnished living space. It's quite amazing.

-Living with a woman, even the woman of your dreams, is way different than any other roommate experience I've ever had. Suddenly, I have half (or less :-P) the closet space I had before. Things just look neater. Sharon gets a big kick out of organizing things, and when she moved in and started actually putting things in places that made sense, my whole daily routine seemed to make more sense, too. Weird.

-Sharing a bed isn't nearly as comfortable as it looks on TV or in the movies. One of the most difficult things to figure out is what to do with your arms. Used to be, when I slept alone, my body parts could flail about in the night to my heart's content, but nowadays I risk a slightly grumpy wife who was mysteriously elbowed in the head or whomped on the chest with the full force of my unconscious arm. That, or you wake up with your arm cramped under your body while trying to sleep close to the other person. You find that one of the most comfortable ways to sleep, surprisingly, is facing away from each other, butt-to-butt. So, there's an adjustment period, kids. And those mattress or sleeping drug commercials... not so true. You just can't spoon overnight. Don't believe the hype.

-It's been fun combining our palates from our family backgrounds. My mom made a really mean chicken/broccoli/cheese casserole out of a recipe book, but that was about it for "American-style" foods. Sharon has completely reintroduced the casserole to my food experience, and it has been awesome. Meanwhile, I've really enjoyed trying my hand at cooking and seasoning things. As Sharon says, "Growing up, my mom knew two spices: salt and pepper. So everything you do beyond that is just great!"

-Speaking of cooking, there really is an emotional connection to the food you make and the reactions you get from serving them. There was one night when I knew the dinner I made wasn't up to snuff, and yet even the lukewarm response that both of us had to it hurt a little. Not like, seriously angst or heartbreak, but it was a bit of a downer. Being a chef is probably more emotionally involved than I'd imagine.

-Having a wife who's interested in sports, if only nominally, is peachy. Having a wife who LOVES baseball... that's hard to beat.

These are only a few of the thoughts I find myself having. Married life has been wonderful to Sharon and me in the three-and-a-half months we've experienced it. We have always been each other's best friend, and living together after so many years apart has let us work together harmoniously as a team and struggle together through our shared and individual issues--what was once a bit laborious to conduct over the phone we now get to experience, married, side-by-side everyday. And I couldn't ask for better. Some days I still wake up with a start and think, "Holy crap, we're married... That's awesome."